The count is on

Well. it's Monday July 31 and I just finished day 14. I'm starting to lose it up here and yet I still have 3 days to go. The only thing keeping me going right now is the thought of strippers and how I will make them dance in front of me for a few measly loonies. Then, after I've thrown all my coins at them, I'll watch them degrade themselves by picking up change on their hands and knees, half-naked and pathetic. Unless they have one of those magnets. Lots of the "classier" strippers use those. Or the club comes and sweeps up the money. Do you think the guy that does that gets paid really well? He probably says to himself, "Boy, I sure am cleaning up." HAHA. Wow that was bad. I need to get out of here. I need to see women that don't have moustaches. I need to see Amy, Ashlea et al behind the bar at Crush. I need to go to the bathroom. Later.

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Not much new to report from up north. It's day 12 and I'm looking forward to coming home on Thursday. I had a burger today which was actually pretty good. I also had some chocolate milk which was good as well. Plus I had fries with gravy, which was good. You may have noticed the distinct lack of humour in this blog. The fact is, I'm too tired right now to be funny. However, I realize that some of you really get a laugh out of my blog. Therefore I have included a few funny clips that hopefully will make you laugh. I know they made me smile.

Tuesday Update

I'm pleased to announce that SexyTeenSandy has been relaunched as NaughtyGirlSandy. I can't say that I'm a fan of the new name, but the pictures obviously speak for themselves. I think from this point on I'll simply refer to her as Sandy. We're on a first name basis.

In other news, I'm currently serving a 17day sentence up in Ft McMoney. I'm on day 8 and things are good so far, although I've eaten out a few times and I can't seem to put down my fork. The first night was at the fish place (that's actually what it's called, the fish place) and I had the steak and garlic shrimp with a plate of pasta and a pound of snow crab. I washed it down with 3 double rye and coke. Then we went to DQ for a banana split. Ouch. Last night was all-you-can-eat ribs at Montana's. No visit to Montana's would be complete without a pound of hot wings. We followed that up with 2 1/2 racks of baby back ribs, although I didn't finish my coleslaw. When you can almost feel the ribs coming back up, it's time to stop. I'm not sure if I've always been a glutton, or if the camp food is taking it's toll on me. In any case, we're going out for wings tomorrow so if something ridiculous happens, I'll let you know. Other than that, all is well, I'll be back in Calgary on the 3rd of August. Btw, I have it on good authority that Wayne drank my pineapple juice. If this is true, you should come clean now and you might receive clemency for your crime. Otherwise, it's on.

PS - this is what a portion of the alphabet would look like if q and r were eliminated.

Sweet Ass

I'm drunk. And as such I feel it's necessary to look at some sweet ass. I like drinking rye, playing house music and sometimes participating in illicit activities. If any of you out there don't like my frankness, you can go fuck your hat. This is my blog and by god, I'll talk about whatever I want. I'll fight all of you. Except my drink is now empty. Fuck. Fucking Newman. He goes away on vacation but forgets that he's the only one that can buzz people in. I wanted my records. Luckily for him, I got them. He's lucky he's my friend or I'd fight him. My drink is still empty. Fuck. I should go fill it up. Happy Rye-day.

The scummiest bar on earth (or at least in Ft. Mac)

Let me just start off by saying that I've been in some dives in my time. Boca's, The Greenhouse, Malone's, Pinky's etc. However, on saturday night I had the distinct pleasure of spending 4 hours of my life at Diesel Lounge & Disco. The only disco I know located in a strip mall. In Ft. McMurray. The inside looked like an old Red Rooster convenience store that had been converted into a shitty nightclub. Oops I mean disco. The bar was a counter with a few cold drink coolers behind it. The sound system was surely purchased at a garage sale. The tables and chairs were probably swiped from some sweaty donair shop. Our waitress was a skinny native girl who no doubt would have accepted crack cocaine as payment for our drinks. To top it all off, there were 4, that's right, 4 guys with pony tails.

On the positive side, the 3 bartenders were fantastic. A cute blonde with a sweet rack, a pretty brunette with a sweet rack, and another nice looking girl with a sweet rack. Then there was the shooter girl who was barely 5' tall with a hot little body on her. I just wanted to pick her up and bang her right up against the window, with her ass cheeks pressed up against the glass. But I didn't.

You're probably wondering what I was doing there in the first place. We were looking to watch UFC 61. Everywhere else was packed so we had to compromise to enjoy the fights. Despite all the bad things I have to say about Diesel, we'll be back. UFC 62 is at the end of August. Next time though, we'll get there earlier so we can enjoy the chinese food.

A few words

In a recent blog I chastised Brother Wayne for his apparent lack of interest in posting pictures of sexy babes on his blog. Although I won't say I was wrong to give him a hard time, perhaps I was a little harsh. Wayne has been working very long hours and is probably very tired. He has very little time to spend downl....you know what Wayne, I work long hours too and I still find time to do what needs to be done, and you see that picture...that's how it's done! So let's hope that in the future Wayne will get his priorities straight and get r'done.

Long weekend

To say that I was looking forward to this weekend would be an understatement. I was able to make my way up to Edmonton on friday night and on saturday Richard and I went golfing. It was a beautiful day and renting a power cart was a great idea, as were the beers. It really makes you think about what a great country we live in when you can drive around a golf course while drinking and nobody says anything about it. Sunday started out innocently enough. After going to the gym, Newman and I thought it would be a good idea to have a drink or two. We had a few at Crush and then made our way down 17thAve and ended up at A Bar Named Sue, where we visited with Soren. On top of the cooler there, was a chicken. And of course our alcoholic wisdom was evident in our decision to make a cardboard guitar for the chicken and take various pictures with the chicken, on stage and off stage. Good times. Monday was more golf with Newman followed by steak. I want a skor blizzard now, or a banana split from DQ, not Peter's.