Thursday, September 28, 2006

Please, allow me to retort...

After a hard day at work I turned on my computer and decided to check out Newman's blog as I frequently do, in order to catch up on what's going on with him. I was shocked and horrified to discover that he has used his blog as a forum with which to slander sharks as well as myself. I'd like to take this opportunity to set the record straight. For this purpose I will use the Great White Shark in my examples as this is the species that most people think of when they think about sharks.

1) Great White sharks, despite having their eyes placed on the side of their heads, have excellent vision and can see much better than any human. At the moment of attack, great whites roll their eyes back into their head as a defense mechansim to prevent injury. They can however, see perfectly with their mouth open. If any of you have ever watched Newman eat, you would wonder if he can see with his mouth open. The mess he makes while he eats (eg strawberries all over the kitchen counter and floor, sandwich crumbs on the carpet, etc) presents a great deal of doubt in my mind.

2) While it is true that a group of dolphins is capable of fending off a great white, the fact remains that sharks can and do feed on dolphins on a regular basis. Dolphins are more agile but they are not as fast and powerful as great whites, who use sneak attacks to outsmart and ambush their prey. Here is a picture of a great white breaching the surface of the water in pursuit of prey:

3) Sharks are not human. Therefore any speculation as to what they would look like if they were, is irrelevant. Furthermore, Newman seems to think that a person is defined by their looks as he seemed to focus on the shark being "big and ugly". He went on to talk about their large noses and crooked teeth. As far as I'm concerned, people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones: You want to talk about "big and ugly", "big nose and crooked teeth", there it is. If looks were the sole factor of survival, Newman would be at the bottom of the food chain.

I could go on and on, however I have better things to do than engage Newman in a battle of witty literary reparte. Perhaps he should spend less time slandering sharks and spend more time working on his literary skills. While reading his blog I found numerous sentence fragments, spelling mistakes, incorrect use of punctuation, and my favorite error, "rat scallion". Did you mean rapscallion? I thought so.

As my final act of one-up-manship, I present this picture of Sandy. Sometimes I even amaze myself.

Monday, September 25, 2006

Blogeddy blog blog

It's been awhile since my last entry so I thought it would be prudent to fill you in on what's been going on as of late. I am back in Ft McMoney after an extended personal "holiday". I took some time off of work for personal reasons and it somehow stretched into two weeks. I took advantage of this time by reconnecting with an old friend, who we'll call Xbox. I purchased the new Jaws game and let me tell you, this is the game I have been been waiting for for about twenty years. In this game you take control of the Great White Shark and guide him through several story-based missions or you can simply swim around the open ocean wreaking havoc for boaters, swimmers, divers, seals, dolphins and pretty much anything or anyone you choose. You can use stealth tactics and ambush your prey, or you can toy with them and then toss them into the air and jump out of the water after them. You have no idea how satisfying this game is. I've taken the liberty of including a few screen shots for your viewing pleasure.

Shamu's about to become sushi


Over the teeth, past the gums, look out stomach, here it comes

Nature's most efficient killer in action

That's pretty much it. I didn't do much else other than go drinking with Newman a few times. I cleaned parts of the apartment that had never been cleaned before (the fridge) and I was glad to go back to work at the end of it all. I missed the disgusting smell that comes off of the tailings pond and I missed the yummy camp food. Ten more days, that's what I'll keep telling myself.