Save the Great White Shark

I don't know about you, but when I think of christmas, I think of sharks. Really big Great White Sharks. Therefore I thought I would share some information about everyone's favorite animal. Great White sharks have really sharp teeth and they like to bite things. They can swim really fast (much faster than you), and they can easily breach the water, which they do in the pursuit of prey, such as a surfer cleverly disguised as a delicious seal. Great Whites have been known to grow up to 6.4 metres in length (that's approx 20ft for all you americans out there), and can weigh upwards of 1500kg (do your own goddamn conversion). Contrary to popular belief, Great Whites very rarely eat people. In fact, most attacks are a case of mistaken identity, although I'm sure that's small consolation to a shark attack victim that has his legs severed or gets eviscerated by mistake. Unfortunately, sharks don't have hands, so they can only "feel" things with their mouth. I know what you're thinking Newman, and I've already been down that road so forget it. Due to their fearsome reputation, they have been hunted to the brink of extinction. They are, in fact protected by law in a number of countries. We all need to recognize the importance that Great White sharks have in the ocean's ecosystem. They are apex predators, which means that they have no natural predators. If they are allowed to become extinct, it's possible that certain species of aquatic mammals, such as seals and dolphins, may try to take over the world. There will be nothing to stop them in their quest for total global domination, and I for one will not sit idly by while our apathy and ignorance make slaves of us all. Does anyone else here think that maybe the dolphins are pretty fucking pissed at us for having to live at West Edmonton Mall. Fuck, I worked in that mall and I don't blame them. Anyway, I digress. If you'd like to make a difference, I'd be happy to provide more informa- fuck whatever. One person can't make a difference, don't bother. Just send your donations to me and I'll ensure that they're put to good use.